Just like a marriage itself, marital counseling is a delicate process that works best when both parties are fully committed. If you and your spouse decide that you would like to meet with a marriage counselor, it is never going to be detrimental to the relationship, explains Linda James, M.Ed., M.S, a marriage and family therapist. Even working towards small changes, or just simply having a forum to express your feelings, can be beneficial to any relationship.
So, whether you have had a few fights, or have been sleeping in separate bedrooms, your local marriage therapist is trained to guide you back to marital bliss. Within the first few sessions, James says that most of couples who visit her Seattle office admit to seeing improvements in their marriage. It does take work and dedication, but to get the most out of your counseling sessions James suggests following her guidelines:
- Keep a positive attitude: Even if you don’t think that you need counseling, go into your first session with an upbeat attitude and positive mindset. Your mood will dictate how you are affected by the therapy. If you automatically write off counseling as unnecessary, then you probably won’t enjoy it. Instead, promise yourself that for the first hour you will listen to the therapist, answer his questions and try to enjoy yourself.
- Be open to learning: The reason you have considered counseling to begin with is because you or your spouse is unsatisfied with something in your marriage. The average husband or wife is not going to be an expert on how to make a marriage perfect. In fact, no marriage is perfect. The therapist you choose, however, should be licensed and skilled in the area. So take advantage of his education and background and let him share some of his wisdom with you. You’d be surprised at how much you can discover in just one session, says James. You will learn things about yourself, your spouse, your marriage and what to expect in the upcoming years of your union. The patients who benefit the most are the ones who are open to suggestions, she concludes.
- Do the homework: After every session, James gives a homework assignment to be completed before the next time the couple meets with her. All exercises work on communication and respect, and every assignment has a purpose. So even if it seems mundane to you at the time, or you don’t understand why you are doing it, complete the activity and then address your concerns with your therapist at the next session. The homework is never designed to just fill time, explains James, it is a way to learn more about your partner or to even make self improvements that will have a positive effect on your marriage.
- Check-in with your therapist: Even after your counseling sessions end, James finds that it is still beneficial for couples to call, or come to the office once every few months to talk about their progress or bring up any concerns. Marriage is a continuous growing process, says James, so you always need to work on it.
