Your life likely moves at rapid pace. You have so many responsibilities and people relying on you that you barely have time to stop, let alone do anything for yourself. If you’re married and have children, you and your spouse likely get little time to see one another unless you steal glances across the dinner table, or exchange a few words while one of you is helping with homework while the other mans the carpool. It seems like your life will never slow down.
But, it does. Children grow up and move out of the home to start lives of their own, and careers come to an end. Retirement is a stage in marriage that surprisingly a lot of couple are not ready for, explains Linda James, M.Ed., M.S, a family and marriage therapist in Seattle. Whether retirement is right around the corner for you, or seems like years away still, you should always be preparing, explains James. Here are some of her tips for how to make the transition a smooth one.
Prepare for your free time: For a lot of couples, retirement seems like too much free time. You likely have become accustomed to full work days and busy activity schedules. But suddenly, now that your home all day, it can seem, well, boring. Instead of dwelling on all your free time, make the most of it. Plan for vacations you could never take before, or pick up hobbies that you always wanted to but never had the time for.
Reconnect: This will be your perfect opportunity to reconnect with the people you have grown apart from over the years. Peers around the same age as you are probably in the same predicament, so enjoy the free time you now have by spending it together. What many couples also find, says James, is that they can learn so many new things about each other. Even though you have been married for so long, your careers and raising a family probably didn’t give you much time to talk about a new favorite author, or a project you worked on that you’re really proud of. This is also a great time to work on nurturing your relationship by reestablishing date nights that may have become less of a priority while you were raising a family.
Balance your time: Some couples enjoy spending all of their time together, says James, and that’s great. But others need a sense of independence as well. Just as you juggled a career and family, now it is important to create a balance you are comfortable with for independent activities as well as time spent with your family. You’d be surprised how quickly you can fill your schedule with activities that cater to you instead of a work deadline.
Prepare for grandchildren: While having your own children was something that you worked to prepare for, now that your children are grown it is time to think of how your life will change with grandkids. Even though you won’t have the same responsibilities you had as a parent, you will still experience a change when you are reintroduced to the world of infants and growing children. This new member of the family will bring with him both new joys and responsibilities.
