Married couples often like to joke about the fact that their lives are dull and passion-free. Rather than spend their nights hitting the town, plenty of married couples are more apt to use those after-work or weekend hours to tend to household chores, run errands, and catch up on paperwork. For such people, even a leisurely night is not likely to consist of much more than a movie rental and some cartons of takeout.
While there’s no saying that couples need to go all out and blow their bank accounts on fancy restaurants, chic rooftop cocktails, or great seats at the theater, there is something to be said about the notion of setting one night aside every so often and pledging to do something different - and special - together. Licensed professional counselor Elliott Connie, who offers marriage therapy in Keller, Texas, says that most people don’t recognize the importance of continuing to date as married couples.
The problem with married life for many is that it lends to a certain sense of complacency. Rather than go out of their way to spend meaningful time together, married couples tend to simply co-exist by virtue of living under the same roofs and having joint responsibilities such as caring for children, maintaining a household, and paying those monthly bills. While most people don’t have the luxury of shirking life’s responsibilities on a nightly basis in order to focus on spending quality time with their spouses, it’s important that married couples go out of their way to set aside time for dating on a regular basis. For some people, this could mean having a date once a week; for others, once a month might be a more attainable goal. No matter how often a couple is able to make the time, one thing’s for sure: Date Night should serve as a break from the ordinary and a chance to reconnect.
According to Connie, some couples tend to “cheat” a little when it comes to dating. They’ll order in a pizza, kick back on the couch, and sit side by side as they simply flip channels. While it’s certainly okay to relax as a couple, such activity is not likely to serve as a source of intimacy, nor is it conducive to deep conversation. Rather than go through the motions of Date Night just for the sake of it, Connie suggests that married couples intent on keeping their relationships strong focus their efforts on coming up with activities that are unique, exciting, and reminiscent of the original dating periods in their lives.
Why the need to recreate that early relationship atmosphere? According to Connie, the thing that most married couples tend to miss about dating is the notion of having their lives wide open in front of them. When most people meet and begin dating, everything is exciting and new. The act of getting to know one another is thrilling, and each day tends to produce a stronger bond with the potential to grow exponentially over time.
Once couples get married, however, that excitement tends to wane. Rather than spend the time continuing to learn things about each other, married folks tend to focus on “matters of business” such as who’s going to pick up the kids and what items need to go on the grocery list. This is precisely why dating as spouses is so important. By focusing on one another rather than life’s responsibilities, married couples that date - in the classic sense of the word - are able to renew their relationships, strengthen their bonds, and remind themselves why they fell in love in the first place.
When planning out those special dates, Connie suggests that couples truly focus on activities that lend to deep conversation and emotional intimacy. Holding hands is encouraged, but more so than that, married couples should use their dates as an opportunity to talk about the past, the present, and the future. In fact, getting excited about the future is one of the best ways for two people to strengthen their ties and reaffirm their commitment to one another without letting life’s usual distractions get in the way.
What types of dates should married couples plan? According to Connie, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating as spouses. For the outdoorsy types, a walk in the woods with a picnic lunch can constitute a fabulous date; for others, a wine tasting followed by a rustic feast could be the perfect forum for solidifying those marital bonds. Connie insists that a good date is not so much about the activity at hand as it is about the feelings invoked; and by making dating a priority and coming up with new and unique ways to spend time together, married couples can help their relationships retain that excitement for the long haul.
