Leona Helmsley’s 9 year old pooch, Trouble, gave us paws in 2007 when she inherited 12 million dollars and entered the ranks of the Forbes 100 bitch list. Now it looks like Trouble is gonna have to survive on a meager 2 million after a judge reduced her inheritance on grounds that Helmsley wasn’t mentally competent when she signed a will that left out two of her grandchildren. While Trouble might have to say goodbye to her country club membership or cut down on the wait staff, there are still plenty of pooches enjoying lifestyles of the rich and famous. In this ruff economy we can still count on these pampered pups to provide jobs for pet therapists, masseuses, plastic surgeons and more.
Pet Cosmetic Surgery
Nose jobs, skin fold reductions, dental surgery – these are all animal cosmetic surgeries that also have a medical purpose. A nose job can improve breathing, a skin fold reduction can reduce the risk of infection and dental surgery can improve your pet’s bite.
Other plastic surgery options are a little more indulgent, like Neuticles®, the testicular implants that have sold over a quarter million pairs since 1995. Intended for self-conscious pets with “neuter-hesitant” owners, Neuticles come in NeuticlesOriginal, NeuticlesNatural and NeuticlesUltraPlus, which feature a special textured exterior for the extra discerning buyer. The creators tell us that neutering a pet is unethical and unnatural, but “with Neuticles, it’s like nothing ever changed”! So who is this helping, the dog or the owner? Either way, we think Neuticles are nuts.
Pet Fashion
Give your pooch a leg up on the competition with the Amour Amour, a “one-of-a-kind” 52 carat diamond doggie collar retailing between $280,000 and $480,000 from I Love Dog Diamonds. Considered in the context of the $45.4 billion Americans spend on pet care last year, the price tag doesn’t seem all that big anymore. The website tells us that these diamonds are available in custom design to “fully reflect your style and your dog’s personality,” so maybe you could get something in the image of a dog peeing on a homeless person. And when there aren’t any homeless people around, puppy can
When there aren’t any homeless people nearby, puppy can relieve itself in your $1900 Louis Vuitton pet carrier with washable lining.
relieve itself in your $1900 Louis Vuitton pet carrier with washable lining. Don’t make the faux paw of showing up at the Pet Resort without this hot new accessory!
Pet Resorts
In this dog eat caviar world, hotels are offering luxury pet packages with amenities that include massages, acupuncture, blueberry facials, pet parties and personal attendants. The new London pet hotel, Elmtree, offers web cam service, so you can keep tabs on patches while you’re out running errands for her. At the Top Dog Country Club in Minnesota, activities include watching television, pedicures and swimming in the heated inground doggy pool. If Pooches isn’t feeling up to playing and socializing, some pet hotels, like Paws 4 Paradise, partner with pet shrinks who are available for 1 on 1 therapy sessions. Only don’t call them pet shrinks. They prefer applied animal behaviorists, probably because it has more syllables.
Pet Shrinks
Just like we impose our fashions and lifestyles on our dogs, sometimes we also impose our neuroses. These days, pets are being treated for a wide variety of mental conditions that seem to mirror our own. Veterinarians routinely prescribe drugs for disorders such as separation anxiety and compulsive disorder-drugs which in many cases were originally designed for humans.
That fact made me stop and think about what we have in common with animals and how we treat them. And in researching this article, I was actually surprised to find that the most gratuitous pet luxuries weren’t as extravagant as I expected them to be. The Louis Vuitton pet carrier, albeit rather pricy, serves a valid purpose, as do pet kennels, behaviorists and surgeons (alright, I’m not gonna defend Neuticles). Maybe it’s not so bad to lavish a little extra attention on Puddles every once in a while, so don’t feel guilty because you took your dog on that weekend getaway, feel guilty because you left your wife at home.
