Going to a therapist may bring numerous images to your mind. You may see yourself lying on a leather couch in a cold, impersonal room, spilling your deepest secrets to a stranger who monotonously jots down notes. Or, you may envision an overeager therapist trying to get you to cry to him, hug him and consider him your greatest confidant. Either scenario is enough to get you to try and convince yourself that your problems are minimal, and that you don’t need counseling.
But, don’t let these dramatic scenarios that you have scene in the movies or read in books keep you from getting the help you and your family need to achieve happiness at home. While every therapist views his work and approaches differently, the common goal is to help you gain a sense of achievement, resolve conflicts, and meet the goals you have set for yourself. Linda James, M.Ed., M.S, a marriage and family therapist, explains the type of therapy she practices, and how her clients have benefited.
Marriage and family therapy is assistance therapy, explains James. Through the guided conversations presented by your counselor, you sift through different aspects of your life to try and put together the bigger picture of who your family is, and the role you play have played in its current development.
Some key areas that James works on with each of her clients are:
- Your current family: The dynamics, the role you play, the positive aspects of the unit and what you would like to see change.
- Your biological family: If this is different from the family you are currently apart of, focus on the role you played in that family dynamic. What were some main characteristics about your biological family that stick out to you? Were you happy with your family dynamic and how would you have changed some aspects of your relationship? How has this relationship affected you currently?
- Family history: James also likes to explore the role models you had growing up. Were your parents divorced? Were there illnesses, or abuse? These elements can help establish reasons for why you have taken on certain roles in your current family.
- What have you learned: James like to constantly keep her patients focused on their growth throughout the therapy process, what they have learned about themselves and what they need to continue to improve on.
- Work on relationships: James explains that is hard for people to notice characteristics about themselves that can use improvement. However, with the help of your counselor, you can pinpoint areas of yourself that you can develop that would contribute to the overall well-being of your family. This could be minor things such as watching your tone of voice or making time for yourself to do some of the activities you enjoy.
Marriage and family counseling focuses largely on a systems approach to therapy, which views the family as a whole group rather than targeting its specific members. The sessions can be a mixture of individual and group counseling, and don’t need to go on forever. James says that while she does give her input on the subject when asked, it is up to her patients to continue or cease their therapy sessions.
