Linda Miller-deBerard runs Confidential Care Professional Counseling, based in Colleyville, Texas, and specializes in treatment of women’s issues, marriage counseling and mood disorders. Here, she discusses how counseling can help couples going through a difficult patch, and help resolve long-standing issues as well.
People struggling in relationships may or may not be aware of how they selected their mate. Theories in counseling suggest that people select their partners to meet personal deficits. In other words, opposites attract.
A shy person is attracted to a gregarious person because he is less able to be outgoing himself. An impulsive person is attracted to a reserved person because he is seeking more stability. Psychology believes that those characteristics are molded by childhood experiences.
Past Affects the Present
An effective model in couples counseling is based on training people to communicate at such a deep level that they can begin to recognize how these past experiences affect their present relationships. In that process, not only are couples able to improve their communication and emotional intimacy, but they are also able to help each other heal from the past. This kind of counseling can help couples make long-term changes at the deepest level.
A good place to start is in developing a vision for what your relationship will look like when it is healthy. Safety in communications is critical. Mirroring is an exercise that teaches this. Having, safety, a vision, and communication tools will lead to problem solving and conflict resolution. These elements can put intimacy and energy into a marriage.
Save on Repairs
Caring for a marriage is like caring for a car. If you fix the car when it first malfunctions, you’ll save time, money and frustration on repairs. If you wait, one malfunction can eventually cause complete system failure. Fortunately, people do have the capacity to reach repair even if severe damage has occurred.
