Why You Should Try Solution Focused Marriage Counseling

Elliott Connie is a licensed professional counselor in Texas and the author of The Art of Solution Focused Therapy. In this article, he talks about why everyone should see a therapist, even if there is not a problem, and how Solution Focused Therapy works in marriage counseling.

Who sees a marriage counselor?

We too often we wait until the situation is dire before we seek help for whatever aspect of our life we are trying to improve. This is not the approach that any professional encourages. Be it your car, home or relationship, all these things need constant maintenance and work. Whenever you hope for something different, you should see therapist. Don’t wait for there to be a problem before you get to work fixing it. Let’s say you see your relationship on a 0 to 10 scale, with 10 being a perfect relationship. Don’t wait for 1 before you decide it is time for you to get some counseling. Even if you are super happy on cloud 9, there are still minor things you might want to make better. And you should see a therapist to help you accomplish those goals.

What happens in Solution Focused Therapy?

In Solution Focused Therapy, we only care about results. We don’t care about the source of previous problems or who the guilty party was. We simply want to find the hopes and dreams and results you are both looking for and work towards them together. To do that, we talk about what you hope for in as much detail as possible. Then we talk about what talents and skills you both can use to make those hopes into a reality. Lastly, we talk about how to go about creating that change with those skills you both possess.

All that is needed for a relationship to get better is really two things: A happier time; and a will and resolution to return to that happy time. If we have these key ingredients, any relationship is fixable.

I will ask my clients to remember their honeymoon. What were the details? You planned out the honeymoon together, deciding on a place that you both would enjoy. Let’s do the same now. Plan to go out on a date. Pick a place together, pick an activity. Remember all the details and try to improve your communication throughout. You must also have goals. You have to be able to notice that things are improving when they are. Ask the question: What will we do tomorrow and how will we know it is working? Know what the answer to that question is. Even if it is just a small, if genuine, token of appreciation, like a simple thank you or a smile, this will be barometer that what we are doing is working and we will be able to improve more upon it the next day.