Anyone familiar with today’s job market knows that unemployment is an unfortunate but active trend. When one member of a couple gets laid off, it can put a huge strain on the relationship. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell whether the layoff is harder on the person who was let go or the person who’s left to sympathize. According to licensed professional counselor Elliott Connie, it is important to realize that unemployment can truly take a toll on a person’s outlook and well-being.
For some, a job loss can quickly become synonymous with a loss of identity. Many people work hard to reach milestones in their careers, and to have that success suddenly snatched away can be devastating. It is also rather common for extended periods of unemployment to lead to some degree of depression, and given the limited number of jobs in today’s market, it’s no wonder that so many people are having such a hard time mentally and emotionally. For this reason, it is important to be supportive towards your partner in the event that he finds himself in such a situation.
Over time, an unemployed person might start to believe that by not having a job, he is letting his partner down by being unable to provide for him or her. The fact that casualties of layoffs are often blameless, randomly-selected victims does not usually add much comfort. As a partner, it is your job to offer encouragement coupled with just the right amount of sympathy. What does this mean? According to Elliott Connie, you don’t want to go overboard on the sympathy front because you can easily get sucked in towards that black hole of hopeless thinking. Instead of coddling your unemployed partner, offer ideas and suggestions as to how he might increase his chances of getting another job. Help your partner spiff up his resume, or reach out to some of your own contacts to help the process along. But avoid making statements such as “this situation is the pits,” because doing so will only feed the negativity.
Many unemployed people often feel compelled to apply for or take jobs that are beneath them in order to make ends meet. Sometimes, this can cause a deeper sense of despair than the circumstances of simply being unemployed. To help your partner move past these feelings, tell him to look at the immediate future as a means of achieving the faraway but eventual future. Remind him that a better opportunity is likely to come along down the line, and make it clear that you are proud of him for doing what he needs to do in order to eventually get there.
You should also be supportive in the event that your partner simply cannot bring himself to stoop to a certain level. Remember, one’s success at work is often directly linked to his sense of pride and self-worth. In certain cases, taking a job that is too beneath you can only serve to worsen the problems. Unless you are in a dire financial situation, try to minimize the pressure you put on your partner to take “any old job.” Even if you are collectively down to your last dollars and have reached the point where any employment is better than none at all, try to approach the situation for your partner positively. Instead of saying “you can’t pass up this opportunity because we really need the money,” try using encouraging speech such as “this will be a great opportunity for us to rebuild financially while you pursue other employment options that will make you happier.”
If you happen to find yourself in the unfortunate situation of your partner getting laid off, then remember that the best thing to do is to be an enabler. Offer a steady stream of support coupled with active suggestions in order to help your partner reach his goal of getting employed in a position that will serve him well. Remind your partner of how talented and valuable he is to create a positive spiral instead of a negative one. Finally, help your partner make peace with the fact that certain things in life are out of his control. After all, your partner can’t force someone to hire him, but the more positive and energetic you both are, the more likely your partner is to one day get hired for a position that is mentally, emotionally, and financially satisfying.
