With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, if you’re married or in a long-term relationship, then you’re probably scrambling to make your dinner reservations if you haven’t already done so while searching for the perfect floral bouquet, collection of chocolates, or dazzling jewelry piece to prove to your respective partner just how much she means to you. While that special someone in your life is bound to appreciate the effort, the problem with this particular approach to Valentine’s Day is that a built-up sense of romance centered around fine dining and gift-giving is really only temporary. Sure, your spouse might continue to rave about your amazingly-delicious Valentine’s Day dinner for the following week, and she might show off whatever present you get her for a number of months. But in the grand scheme of relationship-building, the highly-commercialized aspects of Valentine’s Day aren’t going to do much to take your romantic bond to the next level.
If you’re looking to make the most of Valentine’s Day this year, then licensed professional counselor Elliott Connie has a suggestion as to how to make it a truly special occasion. Rather than merely focusing on the culinary and retail aspects of the day, use it as an opportunity to revisit your relationship roots. As you sit down to have your grand Valentine’s Day meal, don’t just talk about the delightful heart-shaped ravioli and the delectable chocolate soufflé; instead, try bringing up the story of how you and your significant other first met, and what that time in your lives was like. Once you’re deep into reminiscence mode, ask each other the following: What was it about me that tuned you into the fact that our relationship would eventually turn into something more? And what we were doing back then to strengthen our bond and make ourselves so happy in the process?
The reason why it’s so important to reflect on the beginnings of a relationship is that most people, when they first start getting serious, seem to find themselves overwhelmed with bliss. However, as the years progress and relationships grow longer, people tend to stop being as actively excited about the prospect of spending time with their significant others. In fact, when most married couples sit down to talk about their relationships, they tend to focus on the negative, not the positive. Sure, most individuals are genuinely inclined to go out of their way to be kind to and appreciate each other during the start of a relationship. But, the more two people seem to get used to one another, the more likely they are to simply stop trying.
Let’s say that your wife is lazy on the dish-washing front. When you and she first started dating, you were probably willing – in fact, happy – to put up with that annoying habit because you were just thrilled to be with her and, at the same time, didn’t want to do anything to drive her away. Now let’s fast forward to the present. When it comes to dish-washing, are you still willing to let her off the hook, or do you snap at her every time you come home to find a pile of plates waiting for you in the sink? Sure, it’s understandable to go with the latter, but what caused your tolerance level to change? If you’re like most people, then it was probably a simple matter of relationship security. Over time, people tend to grow complacent with each other and simply stop trying on the kindness and romance front. They think that since they’re logistically committed, neither they nor their spouses are likely to walk away from the relationship at hand. Unfortunately, this line of thinking doesn’t necessarily make for the healthiest of marriages.
This Valentine’s Day, try putting yourself back in that position where you felt like you really had something to lose by yelling at your partner for leaving her dirty dishes in the sink. Remember how easy it was for you at that time to simply put those extra plates away on her behalf rather than make a point of admonishing her for her flaws. And promise yourself that going forward, you’ll treat your spouse like you did at the beginning of your relationship, when you were truly on your best behavior.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes it’s not such a bad thing to live in the past. So as you gear up for your Valentine’s Day plans, promise yourself to revisit the time when everything between you and your spouse was exciting and new. Remind each other of what inspired you to let your relationship grow, and promise yourselves over heart-shaped ravioli to continue to make an active effort to love and appreciate one another for all of the wonderful years to come.
