Some folks are lucky enough to meet their soul mates early on in life. There are plenty of people out there who end up marrying their high school sweethearts, thereby limiting their number of lifetime sexual partners to just one. On the other hand, some people either aren’t as romantically fortunate, or simply don’t have the desire to settle down at an early stage in life. These people might go through a dozen boyfriends, girlfriends, or both before finding that one person. This concept is often referred to as serial monogamy, and while it’s definitely an understandable phenomenon, it does pose some sexual health concerns.
First, let’s all get on the same page with the following; there’s certainly nothing wrong with serial monogamy on a social or moral level. As the concept implies, this type of behavior often entails engaging in a series of committed, meaningful relationships before finding that one person to put an end to the pattern. And, even still, there are some people out there who never find that soul mate, that one perfect (or at least tolerable) person worthy of a lifelong commitment. Yet, even those who never marry might experience a lifetime of repeated, yet undoubtedly loyal, committed relationships.
So what’s the problem then? Well, in a nutshell, it has to do with basic numbers and probabilities (and you thought you’d never get any use out of all that junior high school math). As Tracey Powell, the founder and CEO of getSTDtested.com, likes to point out, the more sexual partners one has, the greater the odds are of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) over time. Additionally, those who engage in a series of monogamous relationships are often under the false impression that they have a low risk of ever contracting a STD.
If a person – let’s call him Bob - has 10 different monogamous relationships with 10 different people over the course of his lifetime, then that leaves him with a certain probability of contracting an STD from one of them. If each of those 10 partners only happened to have had one other sexual partner before meeting Bob, then that leaves him with certain number of possibilities for contraction. But, if each one of those 10 people happened to have had 10 partners of her own, then suddenly Bob’s chances of infection go up. Even if every single one of Bob’s relationships involved a mutual commitment that each partner dutifully upheld, it still doesn’t leave Bob in the clear from contracting an STD. Sure, Bob might be an upstanding guy who would never cheat on any of his ladies, and perhaps his women maintained similar moral policies, but who is to say what those women did with their previous partners, or what their previous partners did with their previous partners?
Here lies the problem with serial monogamy. People have a tendency to take comfort in the fact that they are being exclusive, at least on a “one at a time” basis. However, a mutual lack of cheating is not synonymous with either person having zero probability of contracting an STD.
If your habits tend to fall under the category of serial monogamy, then the only way to avoid STDs is to get tested in between relationships, insist that every new partner of yours get tested at the beginning of your relationship, and engage in protected sex until both of you can be certain that you are not carrying any sort of STD. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with engaging in a series of serious (or heck, not so serious) relationships, and you shouldn’t be expected to put your sexual needs on hold till you have a ring on your finger as long as you’re careful and make it your business to get tested for STDs as necessary.
The information in the article is not intended to substitute for the medical expertise and advice of your healthcare provider. We encourage you to discuss any decisions about treatment or care with an appropriate healthcare provider.
