By the time most children arrive at their teenage years, their parents have already been through a lot. From teething to temper tantrums, those early years of parenthood are far from easy. However, challenging as that initial decade of parenting might be, for many, it hardly compares to the overwhelming task of raising a teenager.
Many parents approach their children’s teenage years with worry, and understandably so. After all, teenagers tend to be rebellious just for the sake of it and make decisions that could negatively impact their futures. Even the most serious and relatively obedient teenagers are still bound to start asserting their independence, causing parents to sweat their impending loss of control.
The thing that parents must realize is that as parents, they actually do have more control than they might otherwise think. In fact, the proper approach to parenting can significantly impact a teenage child’s behavior, outlook, and future. In order to help parents (and their children) survive this tumultuous phase, licensed professional counselor Elliott Connie offers the following tips for dealing with those turbulent teenage years:
Understand the limits of teenage rebellion
It’s true that teenagers have a natural inclination to be rebellious. However, this does not mean that most teenagers actually want difficult lives. In fact, the average teenager most likely wants to be a happier and better version of himself, as it’s human nature to strive to succeed. Therefore, one good way for a parent to help his teenager is to figure out what that particular teenager already does well in life and focus on that. Even the most troubled of teens are bound to excel at one thing or another, or behave well under a few specific circumstances. It might take a degree of keen observation, but parents should strive to identify the positives about their teenagers and encourage him to pursue those things for which he shows the potential to succeed.
Some frustrated parents might then ask: Won’t my encouragement or approval only cause my child to abandon those skills in order to rebel even more? It’s a valid question, as many teenagers tend to act up merely to prove that they can. However, Elliott Connie believes that since the average teenager actually wants to grow up to have a good life, he’s less likely to go out of his way to destroy the one thing that actually bodes well for his future. In other words, there’s a limit as to how rebellious most teenagers are willing to be. Parents should rest assured that the average teenager understands the difference between asserting a bit of control and actually taking steps to negatively impact his future. Armed with this knowledge, parents can go ahead and highlight their teenage children’s accomplishments without worrying about their support backfiring.
Give teenagers an active role in the rule-making process
A big reason why teenagers tend to act out is that they feel like they’re finally getting wise enough to take control and make decisions, but that nobody on the adult end of the spectrum will allow them to do so. Parents can help teenagers achieve independence and reduce their likeliness of misbehaving by giving them active roles in the establishment of household rules, rewards, and consequences. Of course, this does not mean that teenagers should solely be allowed to make key decisions. But by involving them in the process, parents can communicate a degree of much-desired respect towards their teens.
Let’s take a parent who wants his teenage daughter home no later than 10 p.m. on a school night. Instead of flat-out imposing a 10 p.m. curfew, that parent can ask his teenager what she thinks is fair. Granted, the daughter is likely to reply with, “Cool! Let’s say midnight.” However, the parent can then work backwards from there to arrive at the 10 p.m. mark by saying something like, “I was actually thinking 9 p.m. since you do have to get up early for school the next morning. But I’m willing to agree to 10 p.m. in order to meet you in the middle.” By engaging in a reasonable negotiation with his daughter, the parent can establish a curfew time that, at least in her eyes, feels like a compromise. And as a result, the daughter is far more likely to abide by the curfew and not break it. By giving teenagers an active role in creating the rules, parents can increase the chances of their children actually following them.
Read on for more advice on how to handle the teen years.
