I was 11 years old, and my family was moving again. Prior moves across the country occurred at a younger age, and I wasn’t quite so emotionally involved. But at 11, my eyes were starting to open up to all that was around me, and I was pretty happy in my little bubble comprised of friends, sports and school. So about three weeks before the move, my father sat me down and basically said, “We’re moving. You will make friends and do well in school.”
I might have even been standing at attention when he spoke to me, because there was not a lot of empathy involved in pop’s blue collar approach to life. I was basically given my marching orders and that was the end of it. Needless to say, I was not too thrilled about moving.
Saying you are “moving overseas” can cover a lot of ground. But whether you’re moving overseas to a military installation where there are other Americans or you’re moving to an area where few other Americans reside, there are still some hard-and-fast guidelines that can make the move a lot less stressful for children.
Let’s face it; it’s hard enough for children — no matter what their age — to deal with a move that takes them from one state to another. But moving from one country to another comes with its own set of challenges. None are insurmountable, but a certain amount of pre-planning — both on the part of the parent and child — is essential for the well being of the child or young adult getting ready to venture into unknown surroundings.
The old saying, “Timing is everything,” is never more true than when it comes to an overseas move. Tell your children as soon as possible that they will be moving abroad. And keep them in the loop as the moving date gets closer. You won’t make it easier on them by waiting until a later date. The age of each of your children is also important. A young child may not be able to fully appreciate what it means to move to another part of the world, whereas a teenager knows exactly what it means and is likely to have some reservations.
Most experts agree that getting your children actively involved in the mental and physical preparation of the big move is paramount. Thanks to the Internet, preparation is not quite as harrowing as it might seem on the surface. The family move can actually be fun if children are given responsibility for the following:
- Researching the country and customs, including: location, distance in miles or kilometers from the United States, time zone, clothing, food, activities and of course language.
- Rudimentary language lessons. Even if you’re moving overseas to a military base where other Americans live, learning a few phrases of the local language has a “way cool” aspect to it that may overshadow the reality of being a stranger in a strange land.
- Keeping a journal. Think of it as a real-time scrapbook where your child can record their thoughts and, more importantly, where they can paste the results of their research.
- Have your child get their friends involved as well. This lets your child know that moving does not mean an end to current friendships.
Meanwhile, on the parent’s to-do list, contacting your host-country sponsor should be a priority. Every situation is different, and your sponsor may or may not have children. Having another child to talk to can take the edge off moving to a foreign country. And in the same vein, if a school has already been decided on, try contacting the principal with an offer that your children become pen pals with the other students. Again, this creates an atmosphere of belonging.
Topics of consideration might also include allowing the children to help pack, and if you know in advance what your new house will look like, give your kids the opportunity to plan how their new room will be set up.
These tips are not all inconclusive, but it can’t be stressed enough: preparing your children for a move overseas is all about familiarity, re-enforcing the many things that won’t be drastically different and making an adventure out of the areas that will be new and exciting.
Communication is the key. Talk about the move early with your children. Share your own thoughts and stress the positive, while at the same time keeping the kids actively involved in the move.
Will the move to a foreign country be easy? Probably not, but the move sure will have a lot fewer negative surprises if you follow these tips.
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