What is certain, is that if you already have fangs, don’t bite people. The human mouth harbors an awful lot of bacteria and you can cause severe infection. Keep em just for style kids.
Dentists to the Undead: Where Can I Get Fangs?
It’s not easy being different. Kids can be an awfully cruel bunch too. That’s why those among us that can’t cope with normality often seek the embrace of other freakish misanthropes; after all, there’s strength and comfort in numbers.
What am I talking about? Fair question. Those of us who went to high school in the 90s certainly recall the Goth phenomena. Those pasty, mascara wearing sacks of sad who did their clothes shopping in a funeral parlor’s lost and found, listened to the Cure, Bauhaus and the Banshees and generally avoided you, save the occasional scornfully ironic gaze.
You might feel a twinge of sadness to know that, by and large, the Goth thing is over. Yep, it’s completely dead. No longer will you have to fear getting caught on someone’s oversized safety pins as you slip into class, or getting into a fight with a two hundred pound girl who looks like she thinks the cafeteria is the line to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. That’s the good news.
The bad news is much, much worse. See, while the Goth thing went away, a whole new breed has replaced it. Vampires: Real life vampires. Vampires are the new Goths-or at least geeks that think they’re vampires anyway.
Now, when I say vampires, you’re probably thinking like Dracula, F.W. Murnau or the characters of Anne Rice’s novels. I’m not talking about those kinds of vampires; that would be silly. Rather these “real” vampires come with various sets of beliefs about what being a vampire actually means. Certain vampires have more radical tendencies than others and the subculture has given rise to numerous offshoots. Some drink actual blood. Others believe they are sustained by draining the life force of other beings. Many vampires are convinced they are actually other than human, while others suppose they merely experience a psychic connection with another being.
The subculture is accompanied by its own distinctive fashions: largely dark and dramatic in dress, somewhere between those high school Goths of the 90s, ravers and patrons of S&M clubs. Additionally, many engage in permanent physical mutilations to forever appear the part. These often entail teeth that have been shaved into fangs and tongues that have been split or forked demonically. In order to attain such features, an individual would have to employ a professional dentist or surgeon, as they are bona fide medical procedures that involve training, proper facilities and skills.
So where can you go if you decide you absolutely have to have some badass new fangs, or a reptilian, Gene Simmons tongue?
Well a split tongue would require an actual surgeon, so give that one up completely. The tongue houses some serious blood vessels, and a botched tongue splitting could leave you bleeding seriously. Most dentists also won’t give you the time of day, if you come in and ask to have your teeth shaved. It’s a weird request, and one that could cost them a dental license.
Lucky for you, it turns out that a select group of professionals specialize in exclusively creating fang caps for teeth. Unlike tacky, plastic costume fangs, these customized fangs are made using the same principles as ordinary tooth crowns or caps. A plaster mold is created of your mouth, which takes the distinct shape of your teeth. Once that’s done, the “dentist” will then create a unique set of fangs shaped to your teeth. Your new vamp caps will be real enough to bite with, but can easily be removed at bedtime or whenever you want to eat an apple. Fangs are made entirely from dental acrylic and won’t cause damage to gums like ordinary plastics might. Basically, they’re as real as any other dental implant.
