Laws are usually enacted in order to protect or serve the general populace, and to establish a code of conduct for how one should behave in civilized society. But in a country where every citizen has their own standard for what is considered “civilized,” it’s not surprising that some of the laws designed to control us end up stupid, scary or just plain weird.
In Texas it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Below are some of the states with the strangest laws on this side of the Atlantic.
Alabama
Alabama is known for its rich history of racism, intolerance and stupid laws. So steeped is it in stupid laws that it’s recommended that you read up on the latest trend in nonsensical law-making in the state before you find yourself looking for an attorney outside Montgomery, AL because you kicked off your shoes in the car. Because in Alabama, driving a car without shoes is illegal.
Another good example of why we love the backwards-thinking, crazy state of Alabama is the law that stipulates how big a stick you can beat your wife with, namely: it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.
And alluding to its stained history involving racism and the Ku Klux Klan, there is even a law that states Masks may not be worn in public.
But if that’s not enough, then the laws stating that incestuous marriage is not deemed illegitimate and it is illegal to flick boogers into the wind should be all you need in deciding whether or not this state is right for you.
Massachusetts
If you were to take the polar opposite of the neo-conservative, crazy red-state that is Alabama, you would get the neo-liberal, crazy blue-state that is Massachusetts.
And as with any extreme state, Massachusetts has its fair share of ridiculous laws.
For instance if you were in Boston, MA cheering at a Red Sox game, you might not realize that all those people who start the Star Spangled Banner and then trail off out of boredom are violating the law. That’s because it is illegal to sing only a portion of the Star Spangled Banner in public.
Other laws that will make sense with any of those native to MA but piss off anybody from out of town are those concerning booze. MA is very strict with alcohol, even to the point that it is illegal for candy to contain more than 1% alcohol and it is also illegal to give alcohol to a hospital patient.
And to prove that Massachusens are just bat-sh%t crazy, it’s also illegal to dance on a Sunday. Unless, of course, you’re folk dancing.
On the other hand, MA is one of the only states where gay marriage is legal, which makes it incredibly difficult for alcoholic, break-dancing homosexual couples to decide whether or not to move there.
Florida
Florida is commonly known as the Sunshine State, but when you consider all the crazy laws to come out of there, you have to wonder if at a certain point that sunshine might go to their heads.
Regardless, they’re apparently worried that too much hot air will go to their heads, since they’ve already made it illegal to fall asleep under a hair dryer, much to the dismay of seniors everywhere.
Additionally, as if having fallen out of nowhere, there is a law that states unmarried women can not skydive from a plane on Sundays, – a law so rigidly enforced that one could be arrested for it.
But not only grannies and women get it from the law, apparently it is illegal to skateboard in a police station. Take that you punks!
However, in case those laws weren’t obscure enough, they decided to throw one in there that makes it illegal to tie an elephant to a parking meter, unless the normal parking fee is paid, of course.
Essentially, don’t go to Miami without a proper attorney.
New York
New York, New York - big city, bright lights and dim-witted politicians who pass stupid laws for the fun of it.
That’s right, in case you didn’t know, the City That Never Sleeps is also known for having a ridiculous history of law-making that apparently is a result of those endless nights.
Because in New York, there are laws that range from making it illegal to walk around on Sundays with an ice-cream cone in ones pocket to stating women may not walk around wearing body-hugging clothes, – though I take it that male police officers don’t enforce the latter.
Additionally, there is even a law stating it is considered misconduct for one to greet another by placing their thumb to their nose and wiggling their fingers. But that one I’m okay with because people who do that are losers anyway.
However, what I’m not okay with is the law that says it is illegal to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun. If I can’t throw a ball at someone’s head for fun, why the hell would I ever throw a ball at someone’s head?!
But at least know there’s someone in New York who likes to have a little fun, because otherwise why would somebody go through the trouble of passing a law stating the penalty of jumping off a building is death, unless they were a comedian?
Funny guy!
Texas
Rounding off this list is one that nobody should be surprised about – Texas.
Yep, in a state full of Cowboys, its only a matter of time before someone goes shooting their pistols off in the courtroom, demanding things like making it illegal to milk someone else’s cow, or prohibiting one from shooting a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
But it gets better! Despite it being a state where people sit at home all day rocking on their porch drinking beer with their shotgun in their laps, the entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Also, because cities like Dallas, TX have amongst the highest crime rates in the country, they have passed a law that says criminals are required to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or written, before committing a crime. You know, because criminals are such law-abiding citizens and all.
And finally, if you were thinking about rebelling against all the stupid laws in Texas, know that you must do it within reason – because it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts, such as a Mohawk or spikes.
Conclusion
Hire a lawyer before going on vacation.
Atlanta Lawyers | Boston Lawyers | Charlotte Lawyers | Chicago Lawyers | Dallas Lawyers | Los Angeles Lawyers | Miami Lawyers | Minneapolis Lawyers | New York Lawyers | Philadelphia Lawyers | Phoenix Lawyers | San Francisco Lawyers | Seattle Lawyers | Washington, DC Lawyers | See More Cities
